dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize