You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
