I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
