Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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