Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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