I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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