my phone needs a breathalizer
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
