Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
