Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Alive.
So much puke
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
