I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
