I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
50% drunk capacity currently
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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