You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
