Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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