paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
