Acid is not a monday night drug
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
