Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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