when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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