Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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