I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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