I cannot find my penis.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
