Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
