hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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