So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
