was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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