Where is the hickey?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
