I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
