her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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