Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
