I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
