First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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