Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
