There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
