I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
