i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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