these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
