Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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