i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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