i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She even gives head with a lisp.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
