I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
