that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
