He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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