My sheets look like a crime scene.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
