tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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