Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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