Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
