Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
