Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
