I got chris browned last night
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
