Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
