the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The best revenge is premature balding
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
