You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
