Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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