I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
