I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize