Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
