I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
