Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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