plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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