Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
