she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
