you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
