I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
