If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
