All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
