i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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