How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
