there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
