I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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