the day after is always just damage control
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
