...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
