after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She even gives head with a lisp.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
