Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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