They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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