He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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