Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
