final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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