i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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