dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
