under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
