Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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