Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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