I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
