I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize