dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
