I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Boobs are out for the taking
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
