Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dicks are not precious.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
