glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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