I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
