I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
