put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i can't believe i had my finger in that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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