saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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